A Prayer for Today

"The wound is the place where the light enters you." - Rumi

Dear God,

                Today is a hard day.  No matter how hard I try to stay busy, I am distracted by the date on the calendar.  I am haunted by memories of a phone call I never wanted to receive.  I am flooded with guilt over my broken vows, unfulfilled promises and a love taken for granted.  I can’t help but travel down the many paths of what-if’s and should’ve beens, and God, they hurt.  Every year, on the day he took his life, I feel suffocated by the powerlessness of not being able to change this one moment in time that changed so much.

                So my prayer to you is this.  Help me change THIS moment.  Help me change ME.

  Help me to be a better friend.  To be a better listener, even when my friends are not speaking out loud.  Help me to be there for them when they are hurting or lonely or sad without them even having to ask.  Help me to be an active listener and proactive in showing my love. 

Help me to be less judgmental.  Help me remember that the junkie was just like me before she took that first hit.  The homeless person on the street could easily be me one day.  The woman in prison would be me if I had gotten caught.  The kid at school we used to make fun of may be my kid now.  We are all someone’s brother or sister or mother or father or child.  We all belong to you, we all belong to each other.  Help me feel responsible to show love and compassion and not point fingers.

Help me to remember that my words matter.  That gossip can kill, that a kind word can save and that the next thing I say to someone may very well be the LAST thing said between us.  Please remind me to use my "I love you’s", my "I’m sorry’s", my "thank you’s", my "I forgive you’s" and my "just thinking of you’s" every day.

And God, if you should see it fit to ever send another love my way, help me to love fully and fearlessly; to commit myself daily, and to build a home centered more on acceptance and less on expectation.

Help me to use the painful truths of his death in a way that may prevent someone else from ever knowing how this feels.  Help make the broken pieces of my heart into something beautiful to honor him and honor you.

 

This is my prayer.